That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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