Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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