I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
its not stalking. its research.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize