We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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