this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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