i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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