whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
