Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
