I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize