its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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