She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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