you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
