Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
