He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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