Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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