'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
