how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Houston, we have a squirter
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
