corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
being pregnant is like rehab
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
