Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
