Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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