he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
