4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize