Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
