Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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