what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
