Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
