Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
