those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
