I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
