beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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