After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
