If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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