It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
