once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
