dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
