wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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