The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
