wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
