how can u be prego again
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
