try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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