Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
