omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize