either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
