That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
