Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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