At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just had sex on a roof
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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