my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize