Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
