I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
