So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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