woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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