I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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