Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
