u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
