That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We're too hungover to prance.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
