I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
