What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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