just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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