I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
