Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
