No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
