just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So many bounce houses so little time
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
