Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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