: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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