i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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