It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
operation have a gay friend backfired
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
