never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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