He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
