Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
