This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
