Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
