biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
