i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
