I think im going to throw up on grandma
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
