I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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