Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
