You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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