i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh god it's open bar.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
