He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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