i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
