A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize