11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
