I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
