ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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