His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
