I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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