I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
